nanowrimo 2k9

“There is nothing more important that trying to tame a horse. Horses happen to be the great ancestors of all of us. Why the hell would a horse let you ride them, huh? If i put on leather pants and tried to whip you would you let me ride on your shoulders? Of course not! What the hell kind of question is that? Thats why people have motherfucking rodeos! Its just a battle of man against horse. Thats why there is so much childhood fantasy about that shit: unicorns, pegasus. Its the master race, kid. Thats what I am trying to tell you. Look, I think I might be upsetting you, man dont worry. Worry is just some crap that some lawyer in LA thinks you should feel. They try to lock you up in these little cages, ferret you through little tunnels to slightly smaller rooms to do some kind of meaningless work that this shit happens. You dont see horses. You see people talking about their cats, you see rats in the alleyways, people walking unfortunately large dogs, but no fucking horses.

“Oh yeah, there are cities where they have the dumb ones the ones they have “domesticated”, but you ever notice that no one has a fucking horse in their handbag, nobody posts funny pictures of their horse to the fucking internet. The only thing horses do is run races, eat alphalpha and wear spoiled girls on their back. Fuck ‘em, what the hell have horses done for us, but they have managed to somehow be a part of the ruling class since the beginning of time. What thehell? What happens when they get old, what happens when there are too fucking many of them and they demand their own lanes on the highway, just think of it, the highways will be filled with partially digested straw! What the hell kind of America is that? Is that the free country that our parents dreamed for us? Run by fucking horses on the highway? I dont fucking think so, there is no way that this motherfucking American is going to let his tax dollars go to a bunch of horsefly breeding horses crapping all over our damn nice roads! What the hell is that!?

“But thats not even the real problem, kid. Thats not what is going to fuck us over in the end. Its mediocrity. Its worse than laziness, its people trying v ery hard at doing something they aren’t very good at. They do it not because they want people to appreciate what they have made, they just want people to look at them. You know that old trope about kids not knowing the difference between good attention and bad attention? Thats basically everyone now, the horses are controlling the media, and the media is just spoon feeding pe3ople the mediocrity, and most people aren’t even motivated to look away from it. Sure there aint nothing good on tv, but there aint much nice on the wall either probably, probably just some girly posters or some paintings of places they’ll never go. There are other things to look at, too, though: cracks in the wall cockroaches st5reaming from the fridge, images of horses carved subliminally into products. You can’t fuck with the horses, kid. Lemme pour us some mineral water, you like mineral water, kid?

“Yeah, thats better, right? Its minerals. I put silver and shit in it. I know that people tell you that you shouldn’t do it, but I think they are pretty much all still in control of the horse run media. Thats a problem, like what happened to people actually questioning the facts that come in? What happened to critical thought? Why the hell aren’t people interested in the fact that there is a secret horse carved in to every door imported into america. Its in the fuicking import law? Have you read it!? Section 24.7 subsection III: And no door shall be imported into this country without bearing in secret the graven image of a horse. Seriously? How do you not know this kid? There are so many things you need to learn about the world. How can you continue even living without the questioning of the common authority. There is nothing more patriotic than dissidence, and nothing more dissident than informing all the motherfuckers about the motherfucking horses.

“Now think about this, America is just a bunch of farms and cities. The food needs to get to the cities from the farms, but money needs to make it back there. The way to do this is make it cheaper for food to get from the farms to the cities. As the means of transportation decreases, so will the end price, which will increase demand. The problem is those damn horses, they will try to let us subliminally allow horse transit as being the true route and the fucking yuppies will eat it up, it will be like free range chicken. I can see it now “free range transportation by horse”. The gullible fucks will just eat it up, a more natural form of travel with no dependence on foreign oil. What the fuck it that. The margin that will be saved with improved infrastructure will just be consumed by horses walking slowly across the country, choking out honest big rig truckers with their smothering dung.

“I’m telling you, kid, its not gonna make sense now, but horses are the real fucking power in this country. And those bastards dont give a shit about health care, international policy or the electoral mother fucking college. Horses have the ultimate sway in the country and nobody knows, and nobody cares. Like corporate raiders in the 1980’s, they weren’t concerned with the performace of the company, just exerting control over the debt and emotional failures of the people who called themselves the owners. Mark my word, kid: you havn’t heard the last of the horses.”