nanowrimo 2k9

“Yes, fish, thats exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Like the slimy shit, that swims in the sea?”

“They aren’t all slimy, mackerel, yeah they are basically just giant sardines, and are oily as hell, but i think they say thats good for the skin. The japanesse say that, so you know its at least not good for your teeth. I mean what the fuck is that shit?”

“Ok, so you were talking about fish? Or is this more of the horses crap from before? YOu gonna start talking about seahorses?”

“Seahorses, fuck no! A seahorse aint gonna control nothing, they get tricked into birthing children for the difficult part. The men seahorses do. Besides, they aint fish. The whole thing is aboout the fish.”

“Right, what about the fish?”

“Well, thats just it you, see! You’re looking at me all like I’m crazy and shit, but thats what those damn fish want, well, not the fish individually, they aint that smart, thats why they get eaten by pretty much everything else out there. But there is some scary shit in the water, im telling you, man. That shrimp cocktail you like on a sunday morning, the fuck, thats just giant sea insects mana, you are eating saltwater fucking cockroaches. Crabs? Spider meat, all that, and they are just brainless. There is always some crazy shit, you never know what the fuck thats going to hit. Plus, there is so much shit in the water, its just big things dying and all these insects and spiders just ripping it apart, they get big and fat and get eaten by other fish, or people who just get big and fat. Circle of life, man, circle of life.”

“Right, so … fis-”

“Fish! Fuckin’ A! MAN! What the hell those fish are some crazy shit, man, ive been tripping out on this for a while man, what it, remember in the 60’s, and we all like almost died. Not us, but humanity, man damn near split the earrth in two. What the fuck would that look like from space man, rivers of lava steaming the ocean, halves breaking away magma pouring out like a motherfucking egg yolk! All those seahorses losing their young. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! God damn thats crazy. But thats not what happened, man, yknow Five Minutes to Midnight, we all just collecively said ‘No, thanks’, just a big clusterfuck, man momma bear protecting her nest of lizard eggs and all that crazy shit there is nothing more that you can even think about that i mean what the fuck is going on here. Shit i need some more beer, i think.”

“You … ok, yknow what. Im going to take a piss. you have fun with your ranting.”

“Thanks man, i think. Shit bartender, git yer ass ovrd here, gimme another unlabeled domestic, that shit is delicious. Where does it come from? Fishtown? That doesnt make any goddamn sense. Now lemme tell you whats up with the fish.”

The bartender shook his head and walked away. The scraggly looking wino came back from the bathroom and sat back down at the bar, pulled out the ragged tome he had been reading through, and tried to ignore the ranting psycho.

“OK, im gonna level with you on the fish man. This shit is important. You know how big the fucking ocean is, man? YOu know how fucking huge. I mean, i’ve barely even been out of town, and thats what, 25, 50, 100 square miles? Shit I aint even been to bangledesh. Thats aside the point buddy. Anywaye, im telling you, in an anthill, you have these things called emergent properties, they pretty much are like personalities for things that shouldn’t really be alive. Like an anthill, its just a big mess of ants, but really its its own thing. Its a colony. Its the ants that don’t have any brain, but the colony controls them and they work together as a group. Now think of the ocean. Its 3 times bigger than anything else we have managed to actually cover or conquers. It completely surrounds us. there is nothing in it but fish. Fish eating fish, and a few mamamals, and a bunch of fucking insects to clean up the mess. You got sharks which are like the garbage men, they eating anything bleeding, and anything that touches it bleeds. Not a bad setup if you’re a shark, pretty fucking terrifying other way. There is nothing else that you should even worry about except for the fish behavior. Now, if we are to believe the damn hippies and all this gaia shit, then there might actually be a connection between all these … fucking things out there. Maybe they are all completely brainless, but what if there is an ubercolony of fish. All working in concert, not just an invasive species, but really all of everything. Now you can think of it in terms of local maximums, oyu got some smart predators out there. The mammals, the killer whales, the dolphins, but they act locally together, mor elike a tribe and are each individually advanced. The fish they feed off are more like the ants, one giant colony of workers fuckers. They got no minds, but they can keep fucking everything up. Sure, there are selective pressures that keep trying to get better. They are getting better at their mindless execution. What the hell is up with that. There could be more problems, and i dont have any proof, but man if there is something out there, something with all the fish working in concert, we are fucking screwed. I mean the horses running our society is bad enough, but our society couldn’t defend itself against the long sharp arm of millions of fish just burying us. Think about that. If you drop a billion fish on shanghai, well, a lot of them would get eaten if tit was too few, but im talking about crushing buildings. Anyone not crushed to death or eatend by a wayward shark would die of the suffocation of a billion pounds of fish and then the ensuing maggot free for all. There should be a law against this shit. We should be seeing recon, there should be some other active navy marine shit that is trying to be here. What the fuck is all this, where are we going with all this why doesnt someone do something?”

“Why dont you go swimming and kill the fish instead of just yelling about the same shit day in, day out, long as you pay your tab you can be here, but i really wish you would shut the fuck up sometimes.”

The rambling man looked surprised, and then humbled. He shut his mouth and sat back down at the bar, pounded the new beer and ordered another.

The bartender obliged.