nanowrimo 2k9

Chuff had recently been called out on another private jet trip, which he gladly accepted, but this one was ultra plush because he could fly a military grade plane and shoot the fuck out of trees. This appealed to chuff, because in the intervening years, he had not only become a master marketing asshole (as according to the marketing asshole association of america, or MAAAAAAAAAAaa — a’s added for emphasis), but also this other crazy shit where he was trapped in a laboratory by some mad fucking scientist who had turned him part lizard and then set him free when his children stopped makjing good organ meat. This was mostly because he had legendarily bad gas. Really fucked up. Also, he spent a few years living in southeast asia as a lady boy and dressing like a school girl for perverted german tourists. Mostly filthy old men. That is a different story, and fortunately he never compromised his principles because it was part of a sting operation which left him mostly sterile and very angry.

SO enough of the pleasentries, chuff mcchufferson (or what ever the fuck his name was), was flying so fast he had pissed his pants and was puking hangover blood into the instrument panel. It caught on fire so he had to eject, but he brough a mother fucking machine gun.

Why?

So he could close the mother fucking deal. Thats how chuff rolled. Also, he was wearing a silver suit and put on his chillax mode while he was parachuting, this shit just worked. So there chuff was, floating down on an awesome parachute, puking his mutant blood onto the trees below, watching his client and fighter jet go down in flames, and wondering why he suddenly ended up here and what it possibly had to do with the story.

Since he was bored, he just started shooting at the trees, even though he was still hundreds of feet above them. The trees didn’t seem to respond, at least he was too high up to hear them screms and possibly that there is a thing about this being a non visual medium.

Anyway, he had twisted around a bit , and the smoke trails of the plain were long behind him, and the doppler dlike sound faded into the distance, and he chewed on the taste of grit as he “cleared his guns”, which was an old war euphemism for murdering peasants. He learned that in asia, as well. Good times.

Behind him was an atrociously loud roar. He heroically pulled himself around by the straps and his jaw dropped at the sight.

An enormous truck was in the background, with a fighter jet crashed into one of its windshields, it looked pissed. It had a mouth (yes, mega truck has a mouth), full of trees and local wildlife and was stomping over the trees easily, with its tires, because it was a truck. Not a god damn transformer, it wasnt a robot, it was just a truck with a mouth that stomped and was gigantic.

“Ahhhhhh hahaha hahah more blood for my machines guns!” screamed Chuff, firing indisciminantly towards the mega truck (that will from here on out be known as mega truck).

Mega truck plowed forward, and angry windshield focused on the smoke trail, and set its sights on the little thing firing at him. Naturally, mega truck was not even phased by the puny machine gun bullets, there was no way to stop it at this rate. It had come from the fucking ship yard to destroy. No body even knew its history.

Actually its history is that it came from the water and was a product of gigantic whales spawning with little toy trucks that the chinese manufacturers had dumped into the ocean. It had just come right to the surface, almost fully formed, but was covered in seaweed until it broke loos so nobody even noticed. Also, it was just destroying forests now, and the only people who care about shit like that are hippies and they were no match for the glory of techno nature with a big fucking fighter jet in its eye. Also, it had really good fire extinguishers and shit in it which is why it never blew up, plus since it was partly organic, it started eating the weaponized plane material and accumulating it into its own body.

It was majestic, in a bizzare way, a bright parachute floating through a black mist, a giant truck destroying everying. Really, really fucking beautiful man, you would have had to have been there.

Chuff looked down, and got vertigo and started hurling again, he was no good with parachutes, not enough of a deal to close. He realized quite quickly that he would have to hide, which was hard to do since he was floating in the air.

“Its only a matter of time before that giant bio organic truck mutates and weaponizes itself with my fighter jets weapons!” he thought to himself. Silly bastard, but he was absolutely right, the truck, while from a distance appeared to move glacially, it was purely a trick of perspective and the truck was actually making record time, for a mega truck, because those times had never been recorded. We can only hope that the future is kinder for mega truck, and other godless monsters of industrial pollution.